


Paint the Town Blue

by Hazstylesish



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Beach Scenes, Bottom Harry, Bottom!Harry, Drinking, Drug Addiction, Fluff, HARD, High School, How Do I Tag, Kisses, M/M, Niall is a really good friend, Party, Smoking, Smut, Some angst, Top Louis, Trauma, depictions of being on drugs, don’t b mean, eventually, harry loves Louis, he’s babie, larry - Freeform, larry au, lol, mentions of self harm, my first time really writing, one direction - Freeform, top!Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:34:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21759142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazstylesish/pseuds/Hazstylesish
Summary: "You know how we've always thought we were together in our past lives too?" Louis' chest rose and fell with an exasperated sigh. I thought he might cry."Yeah?" I waited, listening to his heart until he spoke again."Maybe I just missed a beat, you know?" He must've known I wasn't grasping what he was saying, because he sat straighter to explain himself. I carefully adjusted my head on his chest, brows furrowed, listening carefully as if I'm not going to hear him even though we were pressed so close we could be one. "Maybe in every other life we were happy. I'm sure we had our problems, but nothing close to this... I'm sorry this is how things played out for us this time around. I'm sure I'll get it right in the next life..."Or the one where Harry's heart has been borrowed and Louis' has been blue.
Relationships: Larry Stylinson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	1. Do I Know You, Lou ?

I sat in my chair, eyes groggy and my mind uncomfortably blank. There was fifteen minutes of mind numbing bore left in the school day, I could hardly see myself making it past the bell. I had something lingering in the back of my mind; a feeling I couldn't quite place. A sort of expectant feeling. I hadn't been able to shake it off my back all day. 

Before I thought too hard about it though, the sweet sound of a bell rang through the halls. I sleepily stumbled out of the classroom. Immediately I was joined by a boy I'd like to call my best friend. He's adventurous and self-confident at best. His name is Niall. He sort of became like a brother to me through my more difficult years of high school. I trusted him, I guess you could say. 

"Hi haz! You ready?" I scoffed. I wasn't really in the mood for Niall's antics. "We're going to Stan's place. You should come! Please? We're gonna get pretty blazed & just hang out. Really chill." As we walked through the crowded after school halls I looked to him and asked, "Do I have to?" A weak smile painted on my face. I wasn't totally against the idea. I do like getting high with my best buds. And anyway, It could be a distraction from the confusing feeling that was lingering over me. My head kept swimming when I tried to make sense of it. What the hell...

"Yes! You've been avoiding us all week, I was starting to think you hate us or something." He chuckled half-heartedly and I smiled back at him, rolling my eyes. I gave my blonde friend a light shove. I knew it wasn't true, I just get too in my head. I'd much rather just hang out with Niall to be honest. We get along much better than Stan & I ever have, but Stan paid for weed, so we kept in contact. "No Ni! You know I love you all. I'd just rather sleep my life away some days." I pushed a dark curl away from my face with my fingers, twirling it back up. my hair had gotten quite long, I really likes it this way, honestly. I like being pretty. 

My hair was pulled up into a half-hearted bun, on account of not setting my alarm again, so there were a few strands coming loose here and there. I threw on an oversized hoodie, in a rush, and the tightest jeans I could find apparently. Fashion was clearly important to me. I carried my black book bag on one shoulder and clutched my disaster of a binder in my other arm. Niall was talking about... something? I was too caught up in my own thoughts to even realize he was talking to me for a moment. My mind was fuzzy from a whole six hours of attempted learning. Now that I had the thought in my mind, I really could use a smoke sesh. 

"To my baby !" Niall so fondly referred to the old beat up Mustang parked in the middle of the school parking lot, under a flickering street lamp. I laughed. The thing was barely functional, a true hunk of junk, but he loved that white Mustang dearly. I don't think even Niall could tell you why. I got in the passenger seat and I shoved my homework in the backseat; never to be touched again. Niall got in the driver's seat after a few moments of struggling to start his "beautiful baby." He settled in and started blasting some good old fashioned Fleetwood Mac. I can tell he was trying to get me out of my obvious funk. I loosened up a bit.

I rolled down my window and take in the slightly misty air. It was salty and wonderful on my skin. I love living by the beach. The one thing I love about this stupid shit town is the location. By the beach it really feels like home: a small get away from every worry in the world. I adore it. I was resting my arms out the open window, leaning my head on them. I squinted out at the blur of buildings, and people whirring past us while we got on our way to beloved Stan's place.  
-

Stan had a lovely beach house in a forgotten neighborhood, it was perfect. The structure was small and becoming a bit run down, but it was homely nonetheless. My understanding is his parents paid for him to live there. Rent, food, and everything. He's not underprivileged to say the least. We parked at the side of his house. Stan's place had become a bit of a party house. We partied there frequently, or at least got high with his many bongs, pipes, and other. Not to mention he paid for all the weed. I think he just liked the company- as his parents were a bit absent. A drug addict mom, and a workaholic father, so he was left to his own most, if not all, the time. 

He was rude to me in particular, and tried to make out with me once while drunk, which I didn't enjoy. I'm gay openly, but something about Stan repulsed me sexually. I didn't necessarily buy that he was gay anyways, but I tolerated it as long as there's free weed. We weren't the closest of friends, I think he seemed a bit fake. Just lonely, maybe, but I didn't like the feeling of not being able to trust a "friend," so we never really became anything more than casual. 

Niall knocked on the window to Stan's bedroom for no real reason, he thought it was quirky or something. I smiled, taking in the warm beach air once again. Leaning against the car, I crossed my arms across my chest. I loved the feeling of the sticky air on my skin, it's almost crisp. It made me feel clean, and safe, sort of relaxed for once. It also helped my hair look amazing. Finally Stan yelled a faint "Coming!" 

Niall was sitting on the window sill, waiting. Stan, sporting denim shorts & a tie dye shirt, his hair wet from what I assume was a recent shower, pulled the window open - causing Niall to tumble halfway into his house. He erupted with laughter, I couldn't help busting up too. what an entrance. "Niall you big dumb ass!" Stan exclaimed through giggles, Niall crawled half his way into the room. I waved and gave my greetings to Stan to then climb in myself. I stepped in and looked around his room. The floors were caramel colored hardwood and covered in shag rugs, the light coming in was all natural from the open windows. There was a bunk bed in one corner as well as various posters and tapestries covering the walls. It was cozy honestly, a bit like a second home. 

Something that caught my eye though, or rather someone, was sitting on the floor. I was used to new people or unfamiliar faces passing through Stan's house. He wasn't exactly picky. They usually came and went without being acknowledged by me: my mind usually on when we'd start getting high, not some new sucker chasing their own...but something felt different. His eyes were on the floor so I couldn't see his face, but there was something already intoxicating about him. He had a floppy light brown fringe that obscured his face, an oversized denim jacket draped around his shoulders, some metal band tee shirt on with a logo I didn't recognize, along with dark blue skinny jeans. My heart dropped. He seemed to be radiating warmth, although I was feet away from him 

He looked up from something he was fiddling with on the floor and as soon as we locked eyes everything stopped. Nothing else existed in that moment but the two of us. He had the most inviting eyes I'd ever seen. Perfect. Just perfect. They seemed to smile at me, but the rest of his face looked surprised, sort of happy to see me. I knew I'd never seen him in my life, much less met him. I would've remembered someone so beautiful, yet he was painfully familiar; like a lover from another lifetime. Physically he was a dream. He had a tall build with slender shoulders, as far as I could tell under his adorably baggy clothing. His face was soft, yet chiseled in the most gorgeous way. His hair framed his cheekbones perfectly, and his nose was like something of an art. Lips plump and a pretty shade of pink- I wanted more than anything to take the boy into my arms and hold him close, like I hadn't seen him in ages. I was certain I'd never seen the boy in my life, but I felt I loved him. He was perfect. 

It felt like hours were spent just staring into each other's souls. I knew him. That's all I could think. I know him, I know him, I know him. But I didn't. How could a stranger make me feel the way this gorgeous man sitting in front of me makes me feel? It's impossible. All of it. Finally I muttered a "Hi..." in a smaller, shyer voice than I'd intended. I was terrified. Maybe I was losing my mind. He couldn't have possibly felt the same way I felt in that moment. Unless he knew me. But he didn't... I would remember such a pretty face. Maybe I do...

He smiled knowingly and chirped a "Hi!" my way. He never broke eye contact. He gave me a look of confusion, and excitement, with a mix of "I missed you." It's like I completely understood a total stranger. I really wanted to kiss him. 

Stan took the seat on the floor next to my attractive stranger and introduced us. "Louis these are my best friends: Harry and Niall. Louis was looking for a dealer, I suggested him one better." Stan looked to Louis fondly. Too fondly. My blood ran hot with anger. I shot a look to Stan that probably screamed "fuck you." What was I thinking? I didn't even know the guy, how could I possibly be jealous of a total, insanely hot, stranger? 

Niall looked at me funny, as I'd never stopped staring at Louis, and exclaimed "Hi Louis! Name's Niall. 'Scuse my friend, he's... well we never know what's wrong with him." Louis just chuckled. I finally snapped out of the trance Louis had put me in and scowled at Niall, who just smiled cheekily back at me. "It's good to meet you Niall l! You as well, Harry." The way he said my name brought me back to the mystery that called himself Louis. I turned my attention to him and he just looked so fucking familiar. It could drive me mad. For some reason I blurted out "Do I know you, Lou?" Lou. It seemed natural. I barely learned his name, and I already was giving him pet names. I felt like a creep. 

Louis seemed interested, or at least not driven away. His full attention on me. it was too much to bare. I felt so small under his powerful gaze, I could melt right there. "Hm I don't think so, Harry." he smiled "Happy to meet you, though." I couldn't help but smile back. He was so sweet & inviting. 

I tried to keep my cool, believe me. There was just something about Louis that made me completely defenseless, like all the walls I'd ever built came crashing down all at once. Vulnerable. I didn't like it. Or I did? I couldn't tell. He made me feel everything all at once, I couldn't make sense of it. Within minutes he was already driving me crazy. 

Finally Stan brought out a huge bong from behind a large dresser. It was a beautiful glass piece all see through. It looked new, or at least clean for once. He proudly took out one of his many jars of flower and packed a bowl. "Greens!" Niall practically screamed and swiped the bong from Stan's grip, which earned him a fake pout from Stan. Niall lit the bowl and inhaled. I watched him exhale probably too much smoke for his little lungs to handle. He took it like a champ though, he barely coughed. I was impressed. 

The rotation went my way next. I flicked the lighter to life and burned the weed. As I was inhaling I could feel eyes on me. I look up through my eyelashes, from the clouds filling the piece, to find none other than Louis' sparkling eyes looking right at me. My face flushed instantly. Hi eyes were just like swimming pools: crystal clear and gorgeous, just like the rest of him. I could see something hungry in his eyes. They catch the light in a way that makes me start to cry. I'm crying? Oh shit. I forgot I was still hitting the bong. 

Suddenly I'm coughing and sputtering dry smoke all over. my lungs hurt, and my throat feels as if I set it on fire. I can't see. My eyes are brimmed with tears, I can't even focus on how embarrassed I am or how bad I know I look. I'll come back to those feelings later, but in the moment I needed to be able to breathe. Niall & Stan thought it was hilarious, clearly. I didn't need my eyes to know they're cackling at me like a bunch of animals. I tried to cover my mouth to stop the coughing, but to no avail. 

Unexpectedly, there was a hand on my back. Another took my wrist and pulled me to my feet with one swift motion. I clumsily smacked my body into his chest. Still coughing, he lead me into the bathroom that's across the hall. Delicate tissues pat onto my eyes while I stifled back more coughs. Suddenly he came into focus. It would be Louis looking at my red, snotty, crying face. "Here. I can't imagine your throat feels too comfortable right now." He delicately handed me a glass of water. I'm at a loss. He was so much prettier up close. "Thank- uh- thank you... I'm so sorry, um, I'm usually way cooler- I promise. I'm just having- like... an off day?" Louis' cheeks cracked into a smile. He giggled before saying "Oh, I bet. Don't apologize. It was my fault anyway." I was going redder by the second. He thought I was funny. Wait, his fault? What does that mean? Shit, was I really being that creepy? 

The high started to hit me. "I owe you one, Lou. I think you might've saved my life." I smiled lazily at him before realizing the state of my current look. I hadn't bothered to look in the mirror yet, part of me honestly would rather stay blissfully ignorant. "Fuck me." I said under my breath. I was flushed pink and covered in a mix of saliva and snot. I was disgusting. I turned on the water to hastily splash the nastiness off my face... Or maybe drown myself. Louis was way too sweet, but I knew I wasn't special. Life had made that clear to me pretty early on. He would've done the same for Stan, or Niall, or any random guy who was choking. That's just the kind of sweet boy he was. 

After I finished cleaning myself up, and hating myself just a little bit, I turned off the water and fumbled to find a towel. A baby soft large hand grabbed hold of my wrist and guided my fingers to a soft piece of cloth. I giggled a bit at the tingly feeling his skin gave me. It sent electricity up my spine. I wonder what those strong, gentle hands would feel like up my shirt - or around my throat. I stopped myself in my mental tracks. There's no way he would consider me attractive in the first place; now I've really fucked it up - looking like an idiot in front of maybe the love of my life... as if I ever had a chance. 

Instead of saying any of the thoughts running through my head I just smiled at him through my wet eyelashes and shoved my face into the rough fabric. I could scream if it wasn't for the high clouding my brain. Under any other circumstances- if someone as attractive as Louis, if that's even possible, touched me in the gentle way he did- I would probably cry for like, the rest of my life. 

After I had finished scrubbing my face a bit raw and tucking stray curls back into my now even messier bun, I decided I looked halfway decent enough to face Louis again. He had sat waiting for me, trying to make slight conversation, but I was preoccupied and really high for just one hit, so his attempts were mostly met with nervous giggles. He asked me to meet him back in the room- with his hand lightly pressed onto my arm. I really really wanted to kiss him. 

I had sat back onto the floor with the rest of the boys a while ago. When I returned, Stan so lovingly said "No more bong for the baby." which I did not appreciate. He pulled out a few prerolls instead, calling it some pineapple something. I didn't really give a shit. The night became a blur of laughs, top ramen and of course, more weed. It would be a lie if I said it wasn't the most fun I'd had in a long while. Especially with Louis around. 

We'd joked all night and he didn't seem to mind my scooting closer to hear him, or when Niall and Stan got a bit too rough for my liking. I was sitting leaned against Stan's large bunk bed next to Louis, our shoulders practically touching. I was stoned out of my mind and now sharing a blunt with just louis it seemed. Stan and Niall had wandered off on their own adventure a while ago, but I really liked being with Louis better. He thought I was really funny. It felt foreign to me...

We shared videos on our phones and laughed together. It was just fun. Louis liked to call me curly, I liked that. He also liked to tease me, in a friendly way, I hoped. It wasn't like Stan or any of his immature friends, playing on my insecurities for the approval of others. I really hated that. Sometimes I felt like they kept me around for someone to laugh at, to put down when they were feeling low, because they knew I'd never retaliate. I guess it was my own fault for making myself an easy target. I liked the things louis said, though. He called me curly girly. The things he said spilled out of his mouth like a poetic waterfall. I loved the way he said every word, like it was carefully picked from his mind with little effort. He had a lovely voice and his laugh sounded like music. I wondered if he could sing. 

He showed me his tattoos and I showed him my painted baby pink nails. He loved them he exclaimed "How pretty!" when I placed my hand in his to show him. He gave me butterflies. I traced his tattoos with my fingertips. They were so interesting, I had no idea what they meant, but it was hot. "I want tattoos." I confessed to Louis, my fingers still tracing up his bicep. 

"I'd give you one." I looked up at him from my slouched position. "If you asked nicely." He smirked at me. My stomach swooped at his words. I was begging my body to ignore how hot that was. "I - I'd love that!" I could feel my face flushing again. 

"I'm not much of an artist, but I can trace like hell!" He beamed "I've got my own tat machine and everything. I just wanted so many it got expensive. I thought it would be fun anyway." I hung on to his every word. He was more intoxicating than any drug I'd ever tried. He was my drug of choice. 

Both of our highs had settled down a bit ago. We'd just gotten so caught up in talking. Not that I was complaining. "Want me to roll us a joint ?" I asked, holding up a few papers 

"Can you, Curly?" I scowled at him 

"What makes you think I can't? I'm a capable boy." I challenged.

"I don't know, you seem..." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "Inexperienced." His eyes slowly trailed down my body. I could've choked. He must be talking about weed. I'd really coughed up a storm earlier. That must be it. Right? 

"I'll have you know I roll fairly decent - well at least smokeable - joints!" I earned a snort from Louis 

"Try your best. Let me know if you need any help, Hunny." My stomach flipped. I liked it. Louis climbed onto the bottom of the bunk above me. I assumed he wanted to watch. I was determined to impress him. He was so suave. I started to crumble the nugs into a small green powder with my fingers. Thinking about Louis watching my every move was a bit nerve racking, but I couldn't let him distract me... Until the bed shifted and Louis' slender legs slipped to either side of my small frame. The feeling of his body heat squeezing me slightly was wondrous. I couldn't let him distract me. 

I kept attempting to roll and I managed to get the bud into the paper to start sealing it with my tongue when I felt my hair being undone from its tie and falling to my shoulders. Another distraction. "Good try louis but-" suddenly hands were entangled in my hair. His fingers worked expertly around my now loose curls and lightly up to my scalp. It sent chills to every nerve in my body. I love having my hair played with. I mean who doesn't? But it always seemed to be a particular weak spot for me. 

I relaxed considerably and tilted my head back a bit. His fingers felt so good. I was in a state of ecstasy with every touch. I couldn't stop myself before I realized I'd let out a few weak moans. "Louuuu-" was my attempt at words. I could hear a small satisfied laugh from the boy above me, the tray in my lap slipped to the floor- spilling nearly all of the contents. I felt his strong hands slip away from my sensitive scalp. I whined. 

"Well, look what you did." Louis' body shifted behind me again and I felt his head right next to mine now. "Made quite a mess haz." Was whispered into my ear. More shivers and my heart beat against my ribs. Louis got out of his position and knelt down to pick up the joint I had half rolled, still mostly intact. Louis sealed it off with his own tongue, looking me right in the eyes. Biting my lower lip I barely registered that I was openly staring at his pink, wet tongue gliding over the paper. I was still in a haze from the sensation Louis' fingers gave me. 

And then out of the blue- like a crackhead tornado, Niall and Stan suddenly exist again. Making the loudest entrance they possibly could, complete with laughter, stomping, and slamming doors. They entered the room with a clear mason jar clutched in Stan's fist. "We found a spider!" Niall exclaimed. As if in sync, Stan and Niall raised their eyebrows at us, maybe due to our close proximity. Maybe they could just feel the tension in the room. They looked to each other, then back at us stifling back laughter once more. Louis broke the silence "A what now?" He asked, moving towards them. I just wanted to climb into his lap. Spiders were a big fear of mine. I never liked them. They were disgusting and had too many legs for any creature to have. I wasn't going to stick around if they were going to let a spider loose. I really wouldn't put it past them honestly. 

"A spider !" Stan could see the fear in my eyes. "C'mon Harry it's not like we'd let him loose or anything." Stan said between laughs. "Just look at him, look how cute he is." He proceeded to shove the jar in my face. A large fuzzy spider I perceived to be a tarantula was crawling frantically inside. The sight made me let out a small screech. I wanted to throw up or cry. It suddenly became hard to breathe. 

"Fucking chill, Harry! it's just a stupid spider." Stan said as he started to put his hand on the lid. "No please don't Stan, please..." I begged. I knew he'd do it. Stan can't resist putting on a show at my expense. He thought it was hilarious or it made him better than me. I could never make sense of his brainless cruelty. Stan unscrewed the lid of the jar & as soon as he did so louis stood up and clasped the lid back to the jar. "Stan. Harry asked you not to." Louis said in a serious tone. 

"He's just too sensitive! It's not gonna hurt him. Harry you know I'm messing with you, right?" I was speechless. Completely overwhelmed. I just nodded furiously. I needed to get home. I was sexually frustrated, confused, and upset all at once. I couldn't bare it. "Niall?" I said timidly. Niall could tell I needed to be home now. He never stopped Stan when he acted that way towards me, but he never joined him either. Niall knew he'd just get the same shit from Stan if he said anything trying to defend me; from experience. So he gave up ages ago. I don't blame him. 

Niall just nodded in response & told Stan some shit about needing to get home to feed his cats and I was going to stay at his that night. Which was all a load of shit. I just needed to get home. After a few more minutes & my shitty joint, I yawned annoyingly to get Niall's attention. Niall said it was time to go, & Stan looked visibly upset that we wouldn't stay the night at his. Niall told him something about coming back in the morning, which seemed acceptable to Stan. I turned to Louis. He had asked me if I was okay, but honestly I couldn't look him in the eye. I felt a mixture of guilt and affection towards him that I couldn't describe. I just nodded again and he rubbed a hand on the back of my arm. "I had fun, Haz." I looked up to meet his eyes. He looked like he had more to say, but that was all. I just smiled to him & said "me too, Lou." I wanted to tell him that I need to see him again, but if he didn't want the same then I'd make a fool of myself. 

-  
I thanked Niall for the ride and got out of his car. I let myself in and stumbled up the stairs to my bedroom. Finally. I slammed into my bed face first. Lazily I stripped down to my boxers. Still coming down a bit from my high I now realized my dick had been aching. Arousal was pooling in my stomach. I had been painfully hard from around the time I felt Louis' toned thighs around my shoulders. I wondered what it would be like to feel his skin against mine. Maybe he had more tattoos in places he couldn't show me. I wanted to know every inch of his milky skin like the back of my hand. I wanted him. I wonder what else those long fingers could make me feel. 

I need release, but I feel so dirty. He's my friend. He's sweet and he stood up for me. We talked and laughed all night. Just friends. You can't want a friend to do the things I wanted him to do to me. You just can't, but it's impossible to ignore the throbbing in my cock thinking about the ways he touched me... The things he said to me. It's his fault, really, for being such a tease. I wanted him to wreck me. I couldn't take it. Every thought, every word that I replayed in my head went right to my dick. 

Fuck it. I laid back and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. Spreading my thighs I touched myself. Images of Lou flashed in my head as I started to fuck into my hand, getting more desperate as I continued. I need more. I need him. Thinking of Louis, his mouth on mine, I started pumping harder. Lou trailing his hot tongue down my chest, licking his way up my length and taking me into his mouth- swirling my cock with his tongue. 

I was seeing spots before I could even finish my fantasy. Warmth filled my abdomen and I let out a broken moan into my pillow as I came. I was usually pretty vocal, but it was late and I had to contain myself. I was sweating and drooling; coming down from my orgasm high. Thoughts of a naked Lou were still in my head. He would look so pretty naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE CHAPTERS GET BETTER AS THEY GO ON DONT GIVE UP CAUSE THE FIRST CHAPTER IS KINDA SHIT IM SORRY LOL


	2. The Party. Part One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy part one ! 💛

After that night I needed a day to myself to watch movies, cook, and maybe hang out with my older sister Gemma. I needed to unwind and put out of my mind the night before. 

It was beautifully overcast; a perfect day to stay in and do some baking. Baking is a hobby of mine, I love it. The satisfaction of making something delicious with my own hands; it was maybe the one thing I could do successfully by myself. 

I brought out my favorite cook book and flipped right to what I was looking for: brownies. My favorite. Also Gemma's, incidentally. I wanted to do something sweet for her since I was sort of absent lately, something that happened frequently. I love her dearly with all my heart, but some days I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I thought maybe I could buy her love and forgiveness with one of my famous desserts. 

The day flew by as I put together the ingredients, making the least amount of mess I possibly could, which I learned was impossible. I was sitting on the counter waiting for the oven to preheat when I got a ring from Niall. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey there sleepyhead, what are you up to?" 

"Making your favorite!" I singsonged a bit 

"Brownies? Oh man! Save me one. A huge one!" 

I laughed "Will do Ni, what's up?" 

"Was just seeing if you were busy. Now that I know you're not... you're coming to Stan's party!" 

I groaned. I should've known. "What's the occasion?" 

"Uhh... birthday? Or a going away party ? Or a get Harry's ass out of the house day?" 

"My least favorite holiday."  
I was in no mood to party. I wanted to sit my butt down on the couch and watch cartoons until my brain leaked out of my ears. 

"I don't know, Ni. I told Gemma we'd hang out today." a lie. Gemma told me she was cramming for a test she had next week. Her schedule was usually pretty school oriented. I admired her, I was literally the total opposite. 

"C'mon Hazza, it'll be fun!"  
That's Niall's excuse for trying to get me to attend any hang out or party. 

"I'll think about it, okay?" Which meant me completely ignoring him for the rest of the night. He probably knew that too. 

Niall was having none of it. "Well you better look cute by the time I get there! Or you're going in your pajamas and all." 

"Ni, wait-" 

"See you later! Love you lots!" 

I sighed as the phone hung up. Niall could be so fucking annoyingly persistent. I slipped my brownies into the oven, setting the timer so I wouldn't forget. I'm a total pushover I made my way to the bathroom to at least get a shower in before I was kidnapped by my best friend. 

I stripped naked & turned the hot water on in my shower. I looked at my lightly sun kissed skin in the reflection of the mirror. I knew my body wasn't the most unattractive thing about me. I was a little chubby in my thighs & love handles but it didn't bother me. I have a bit of a feminine figure with fat in mostly the right places, I had also started shaving my legs from a young age & pretty much everywhere else I grew body hair. I just never liked the feeling or look of it. My mom was always supportive of my girly side, so I was always comfortable with it too. I was lucky in that way. I touched the small white scars that were peppered over my torso. That I didn't like. I grimaced slightly at the sight. The mirror started to fog so I decided the water must be ready. I tip toed into the shower. The water felt as if it could burn my skin off but I liked the sensation. It made me feel clean. 

Coming out of my shower, steaming & smelling like roses & strawberries I wrapped myself in my pink fluffy towel. Messing with my wet hair slightly I walked to my room to find an outfit. After picking out an outfit that I deemed cute enough I put on a pair of black jeans I cuffed at the ankle & a soft grey tee shirt & rolled the sleeves up on that as well. I decided to leave my hair down after putting a bit of curling cream in it & twirling a few strands with my fingers, ensuring they would stay curled. I put on my favorite rings & after a mental debate I decided to put a few baby pink butterfly clips in my hair to hold back stray pieces 

After taking another look in the mirror I decided I thought I looked cute. I felt cute, at least. A thought suddenly crossed my mind. Louis. I hadn't thought about him nearly all day. I felt so fucking guilty getting off to him last night, I avoided thinking of him all day. I cringed. But he was enchanting, the thought that maybe Louis would be at that party made the waters of my stomach churn. In a good way, I think. He was so painfully sweet. I could get used to his company. Despite my sinking feelings of guilt, I really hoped to see him again tonight. have a friendly face around as Niall would usually wander off after his third drink, lost for the rest of the night. 

I trudged downstairs, knowing niall would show up any minute. I looked to the kitchen & saw Gemma eating one of the brownies I'd made her. "S'good arry" she said through a mouthful. I laughed at her "thanks gems" she ruffled my hair. I swatted her hand away "hey ! No touch. Can't you tell I've worked hard on my locks ? " it was her turn to laugh at me now as I smoothed my hair back down in the now frizzy hair at the top of my head looking at my reflection in the window. I shot her a look. 

As I finished fixing my hair I saw Niall's car pull up into my drive way. I waved & went to open the door for Niall & Stan. I shivered slightly at the cool costal breeze & hugged my arms around myself. 

"You owe me 10$ Stan !" I cocked my head in question. "We bet that you wouldn't come with us when we got here, but look at you all dolled up !" 

I smirked a bit "doesn't mean I'm happy about it" 

"What d'ya mean ? Stan bought a ton of shit we're gonna get hammered. You'll love it" 

"Well am I gonna like, I don't know, know anyone else there ?" I was trying to be subtle. I really just wanted to know if Louis was going. Stan chimed in. "You mean louis ? I asked him earlier he didn't seem that keen." My heart felt heavy. "I told him to stop by, though." 

"I don't know guys" I trailed off. I backwards stepped back in the house. I really wasn't interested in any stupid party now. 

Niall bear hugged my waist & picked me up, waddling to the car. "You're coming whether you like it or not haz !" I couldn't stop my bubbling laughter. If it really meant so much to Niall maybe I could tough out a few drinks & a smoke. I'd just have Gemma pick me up later. "Okay okay okay put me down" he obliged dropping me to the ground. Clearly feeling triumphant. "But if you ditch me I'll be so pissed Niall James." 

I stumbled into Stans house. Doorway first for once already a bit buzzed from hitting Niall's wax pen in his car. For a "pre game" he called it. We were the first ones in, obviously. Walking into his kitchen I saw Stan really did stock up. At least 10 bottles of various vodkas & liqours were set up on his dining table with a few shot glasses scattered around them. "Beer & wines in the fridge." Stan said as he brushed past us to his house. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet & poured myself some red wine. Probably the cheap stuff but wine is wine. As I sipped or more gulped my drink down I remembered "beer before liquor will make you sicker" & regretted my decision. no going back now though, I thought 

People started to trickle in as the minutes passed, I was getting more stoned than drunk & starting to feel lonely. I was sitting on stans top bunk of his bed I could really feel the thumping of the bass from some stupid rap song playing up here. Niall was preoccupied & I was sick of sweaty drunk people shoving up against me so I decided to go outside for a smoke. Climbing down from stans bed I found niall cackling on the floor at something a dark haired boy had said "Ni, I need a smoke." I crossed my arms. I wanted him to come with me but I could tell he was having fun. I decided not to press him about it. "here's Hazza " Niall slurred digging into his pocket & opening his pack for me to choose a cig. "Thanks. Don't go anywhere." I said to Niall he slurred something after me I couldn't hear. I just needed to get out of that house for a second. Stumbling past crowds of people I could really care less who's drink I spilled. Tears welled up in my eyes. There's nothing worse than feeling alone when you're in a house full of people having fun. What a twat I am. I should be socializing or at least trying, but I was just sticking to the walls like I was allergic to conversation. I wiped my eyes as I reached the front door handle. I pulled it open & looking to the floor I started out into the cold. 

But instead of being met with the chill of the night air I slammed into a wall. A warm wall with a denim coat on. I looked up bleary eyed to a familiar face. I instantly couldn't contain my happiness. "Lou !" I flung my arms around him, out of instinct or relief maybe. Who knows. "Haz ? Funny running into you here." He wrapped his strong arms around my torso & lifted me slightly. I held on around his neck like my life depended on it. I giggled nervously like I so often do with him. He just made me nervous. I broke away my grasp as did he, his hands lingering at my waist for a moment, though. "I'm so happy to see you. You have no idea. I mean it." Words were flying out of my mouth before I could think to stop them. I couldn't keep things bottled up anymore, it seemed. "Well I'm happy to see you too curly ! You weren't leaving, were you ?" he looked genuinely concerned. It made me feel light. "No, definitely not. I was just stepping out for a smoke." He probably wanted to go inside though, drink a bit or something. I couldn't leave his side now. "It just got a bit cramped in there, but I can always save my cig for later if, uh, if you had other plans ? If you don't mind me tagging along, that is." I felt the rush of anxiety & embarrassment I knew so intimately come back. I sounded so fucking pathetic & needy. I looked sort of down & kicked a pebble off stans porch. "Not at all." He brought a finger to my chin & pushed lightly so I was looking into his eyes again. Fuck he was pretty. He walked towards the door & looked to me. "Come inside with me." I beamed. My face felt like it had a million little needles sticking into it. "Okay !" I skipped a bit after him, following right behind him. We entered the kitchen & I stood by his side. 

I tugged at Louis sleeve standing on my toes to shout a bit in his ear. The music was way too fucking loud. "Drinks are in here, smokes are in there" I pointed to stans room. Louis smiled at me. "Think I'll have a drink first, thank you love." He shouted back at me. He scanned the room & opened the fridge, grabbing two beers. Twisting open the two he handed one to me. I made a bit of a face, I don't love the taste of beer. But took it anyway & smiled at him. He made me smile so much my cheeks hurt. "Smoke in there ?" He leaned down to ask. I just nodded & grabbed his wrist to pull him along. 

Periodically taking drinks of my beer I was getting a bit tipsy. I'm generally a lightweight when it comes to, well any substance. Louis & I had taken seats on the floor. Niall really didn't go anywhere so him & Louis shared a few laughs. They were really funny. 

We passed a pipe around between us & a few strangers I was getting delightfully cross faded. I leaned my head onto Louis shoulder & smiled sleepily. He placed his hand onto my knee giving it a small squeeze. 

"I like your hair like that." He whispered a bit against my curls. 

I hummed a response "thank you, Lou " 

I slowly moved my head to look at him & giggle I hugged my arms around his neck once more, burying my face into the crook of it. He smelled like cinnamon spices & cologne. Plus like maybe a vanilla candle ? If I had drank another beer I might have kissed him. My face flushed & my mind raced with how close I was to his bare skin. I was drunk off alcohol & lust. I wanted him. 

A squeeze on my thigh made me look up to him with eyes heavy lidded.  
"You awake haz ?"  
I nodded furiously.  
"M'sorry"  
Louis patted my leg "no need sweets, just checking." I chugged down the last bit of my beer, turning it over to show Louis, who I think had already started on his second beer "well done love, another ?" Louis said a hint of teasing in his voice. Louis already stood up guessing my answer. "Yes please !" I called after him. I chatted a bit to Niall about something I don't remember, when the boy Niall had been talking to all night approached us. "Hey, who's your friend Niall " Niall spoke up a bit "Oh his name is Harry ! Harry that's Zayn." I smiled & gave a small wave. Zayn was carrying a bong that was huge - & I mean huge - he could see me eyeing it. "Wanna try ?" Got something that'll really knock you on your ass." He said. I was intrigued. Missing Louis though, what was taking him so long ? "It's sour diesel. Plus a little wax. I pack that shit so tight you need a torch to light it." I zoned out the rest of what he was saying but it seemed like an opportunity I couldn't pass up. "Lemme." I interrupted. I got on my knees to reach the top. Zayn lit his torch & pressed it to the bowl below me. The sound of the water bubbling I carefully sucked in. Suddenly when the giant piece was about over half full of smoke Zayn pulled out the carb, sending the smoke flying up right into my lungs. I exhaled a huge cloud of milky white. I could hear Niall say something like "shit !". Coughing a little & my eyes watering I gave Zayn a thumbs up, thanking him as he smiled & walked off. Louis has entered the room just recently, feeling his hand rubbing my back through my now violent coughing. After a minute I stopped. Louis had brought me another drink but decidedly it could be saved for later. "Where've you been Loubear ?" I slurred looking to Louis he smiled wide "played a round of beer pong, love." 

"Did'ya win ?" I could barely see now just smiling up to Louis with my eyes mostly closed. All of the sudden my body & mind detached from reality & I was floating. It was beautiful for a moment. All the noise from the party became cotton - like & unintelligible. I loved the bliss of mostly silence I hadn't heard for hours. It was lovely. In a second I snapped my eyes open to find Louis holding my face in his hands. Smiling & looking at me like he was awaiting an answer. I reached up to his hands to hold them. I wanted to tell him I was okay but nothing came out of my open mouth. I'd lost my ability to speak. I was getting scared, I couldn't find my voice or my words or anything to describe how I felt. The more I tried the more frustrated I became, how could I have forgotten how to speak. I was now terrified, I finally found my words just to say "I can't speak, Lou I can't I'm scared" Louis voice was muffled but I could tell he was trying to comfort me. I felt wet hot tears escaping my eyes down my cheeks & my lips trembled. I didn't know what was happening to me, it felt like I could so easily slip away from Louis grip & fall endlessly into darkness. I believe Louis was cradling me a bit & I had a drink put in my hands. I tried to shove it away as I definitely did not need any more alcohol at the moment. Assholes. Faintly over the muffled chaos I heard Louis say "water, s'water" & put the glass back in my hand. I took a sip tentatively & then gulped down what I  
found to actually be water, spilling some down my chin onto my shirt. It was freezing cold but at least I could feel it. That helped ground me back to earth a bit. 

I started to feel my heart slow slightly & the white noise of the party drift to a low steady thump. We were outside. "Harry. Harry hey, Look at me. Are you okay ?" I stared into two small blue pools. "I'm okay." Finally. I spoke. I sniffled wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "A little cold." Louis didn't hesitate once to pull off an olive green hoodie he was wearing. "arms up" & he was slipping it over top my head. I wasn't cold anymore. The interior felt still-warm from Louis body heat. He was wearing a skin tight black shirt & he put back on his slightly tattered denim jacket. He was extremely fit. 

"You look good." I stared at Louis too crossed to stop myself. Louis laughed a little, putting an arm into each of his sleeves. "Thank you, haz. I think you look great." Realizing "great" was better than "good" I spoke a bit shrill. "Well you look great too !" Another laugh. "You're cute y'know that ?" I blushed deep. "Thank you, Lou " I was too high to be nervous. The anxiety subsided considerably but I definitely wasn't close to sober. My senses were heightened I felt everything in extremes. Even in the yard behind the house there were too many drunken people. My heart rate quickened again & I looked around for a place to escape. Preferably with Louis. "the roof" I blurted out "can, uh can we go up to the roof ?" Louis seemed interested. I showed him to the way up & Louis motioned me to the ladder first. Probably so he could catch me if I toppled off. 

I made it up to the small flat area of the porch roof somehow without incident. There was a small comforter kept up here already I quickly snuggled under leaning against the raised part of the roof. We were up here often cause well, it was really a perfect spot. Looking out you could see right down to the beach. Streetlights illuminated the sandy path, littered with palm trees. It looked dreamy, the dark water washing up against the beach. Louis hoisted himself up & settled under the blanket next to me. I was still cold so without thinking I laid my legs over Louis own. "Sorry, it's just really cold." As I cuddled closer. 

"You feeling better ?" An arm around my shoulders. 

"Uh I think so, just got too high. I paused a moment. "Thank you. For helping me. For both times, actually" 

"No problem."

"I'm not dumb, if that's what you're thinking. I can handle myself." I felt defensive. His kindness was becoming suspicious to me. From the start he was too nice. What did he want from me ? 

"Never said that, slow down curly." He sat back a bit so he could look me in the eyes. I avoided his gaze. "Didn't realize I needed an excuse to show a little decency." Removing his arm from around me, he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his jacket, lighting one swiftly, he took a drag. His voice sounded harsh to my ears. For the first time I felt like I'd made him unhappy. It could've broke me. 

"Louis, I didn't mean" a sigh. "You just, you come around & I forget how to act like. Well, me. You're so - " I stopped myself. Words like effortless, gorgeous & perfect danced on my tongue, threatening to crawl through my lips. "Cool." I spoke sharply. Bringing my knees to my chest I hugged them, resting my chin I mumbled "you don't even have to try." My words weren't exactly true. When I was with him I felt the most myself I have in a long time. I let my guard down & it felt - weird. It made me realize I don't think I've actually been myself in a while. 

Louis paused, exhaling more smoke. I turned my head to study his expression. He gazed out towards the sea, melancholy written on his face. "I wanna get to know you." His words softer now. I couldn't help but smile. That might be the first time anyone has ever said that to me. 

"Well. What do you want to know ?" 

"Everything. You. What makes you who you are, you," Louis turned to face me now, cigarette slowly burning away between his knuckles. "You captivate me, Harry it's like, it's like I - well" for the first time, Lou stuttered his words. He looked up to the stars, closed his eyes. "You feel like, maybe someone I used to know." My eyes as big as saucers I stared at him. 

"You feel it too, then" the hushed whisper left my mouth. He opened his eyes with a jolting motion he looked down at me. 

Trapped in what seemed to be a staring contest, we said nothing. My heart was melting & I swore I could feel it seeping through my ribs. Breaking the tension, Louis started to chuckle quietly. The chuckle then slowly turned to booming laughter echoing through the sky like thunder, I had no idea what he thought was so hilarious. I stayed silent. Was he laughing at me ? Was it all some sick joke ? I'd never said a word about how I felt about him, not even to myself. So how could he have known to say such a thing ? 

"What's so funny." The words left my mouth flatly I wasn't going to be made fun of. I knew what I felt was real. Wiping the brimming tears from his eyes, he finally settled enough to say " nothing , I just , " between laughs, he was stubbing out his barely touched cigarette. "I don't even know your last name, Harry " 

"Styles." I grinned, it eased my mind a bit. A silly thing to laugh so much about, sure. But soon I was laughing too. Cackling along with him I leaned my head against the roof behind us. We laughed until the muscles in my stomach were becoming painful & Louis was clutching his ribs. 

"Well, Harry styles." He smirked to me. I was still giggling a bit. "My name is Louis Tomlinson." He had a lovely name. He stuck his hand out for a shake & I took it. 

"Care to join me for a drink ?"


	3. Part(y) Two.

Louis & I made our way off the cold damp roof back inside. The living room was trashed & covered wall to wall with people. Nearly instantly, we were met with a piss-drunk Niall 

"I's was just looking for you !" He stumbled over, barely stopping himself from running directly into us. I held him back by his shoulders, steadying his wobbling body. "You're okay Niall ?" 

"R'gonna do s'm shots. Cmon." He spat at my face. I winced the strong scent of multiple types of booze reeking off of my dear friend. Niall was well past tipsy. He wasn't fantastic at holding his liquor but that didn't stop him from drinking his body weight when he got the chance. 

I looked up to Louis as he silently nodded approvingly & said to Niall "lead the way Mister Bartender." Niall turned & pointed his finger forwards half marching half running into people who in turn grumbled swear words at him. 

We arrived in the kitchen to sit around a counter top. Louis took a barstool seat & I jumped up onto the cool tile near him, swinging my legs a bit. Behind me, A row of shots was being poured a bit sloppily by Stan. 

"Two more, then ?" 

Stan asked barely looking up for fear of spilling more vodka onto the already soaked-looking porcelain. "Please." Louis smiled towards him. His voice sounded warm in my ears. He rested his forearms next to me. I felt his thumb stroke the outside of my thigh. I leaned towards his hand unconsciously & fluttered my lashes, the feeling of his light touch electrifying my nerves. 

A small glass was slid carefully next to me. The sour liquid sloshed a bit onto my jeans. Everyone at the table clinked their various colors of glasses together & drank. I hesitated, dreading the horrible taste of hard alcohol, like poison probably. Without thinking I choked the drink down. 

Smoothly the disgusting liquid spilled down my throat. I made a wry expression, my mouth pooled with saliva & I felt the burning sensation in my chest immediately. I looked to Louis, who shook his head like a dog shaking water out of his fur & laughed delightedly. Voices cheered "another" into my ears. 

After a third round, my vision became unstable & I was doubling over laughing at strangers. It was like another person possessed my body when I was drunk, like my anxiety had been washed away by the alcohol. 

Hiccuping & giggling at nothing in particular I'd found myself with a mixed drink in hand, laughing with a young man I'd never met. I felt a hand run down to the small of my back & I flinched. "Having fun, babe ?" I turned, thankfully, to see Louis slightly fuzzy face bobbing in front of mine. The corners of my mouth tugged upwards. 

"Yessss" I turned fully around to push a finger against his chest. 

"Dance with me." 

We pushed our way through the crowded room to claim our spot on the floor. I felt as if the room was swaying with our bodies. I clumsily flailed next to Louis, who seems to be enjoying every second. He pulls my body to his, hands gripping my hips forcefully. 

Lips pressed just next to my ear he slurred. 

"you're pretty, haz" 

his breath sweet against my neck. I could just barely make out what he was saying over the loud rumble of music. 

Drunk & overwhelmed I just stated "Lou, you're drunk" in a small voice. 

Trying to pry his long fingers off of me my heart pounded. It became clear what his intentions were. I knew he was too good to be true. 

a light laugh "maybe. But I mean it."  
His hands now felt white hot, as if they were searing into my flesh. 

"No. You don't. "  
I tried to sound as firm as possible but in my drunken state it came out as more of a whisper. My hands fumbling I loosely clawed at Louis own. He let up his grip & brought his head away from mine. He looked at me like I'd said something stupid. 

I opened my mouth but quickly just closed it again. I suddenly realized My consciousness was faltering. I couldn't pass out now. My stomach had threatened to burst. I had to make it to the bathroom or risk puking over Louis 

Peeling myself away from Louis I shoved my way through a thick mass of people. I didn't look back to see him. I couldn't. As the corners of my vision blackened I knew any second I could lose the little consciousness I had left. I needed to find safety. 

\- 

Feeling my way around stans familiar house I thought I felt the door to the bathroom. Twisting the door handle I pushed my body weight into the door. Thankfully, I found it to be empty. 

slamming the door with my foot to close it my body collapsed to the floor, the skin of my hands kissing the cold dirty tile. I fought sleep off but my eyelids were incredibly weighted. My energy was slipping through my fingers. I recognized the bubbling in my stomach meant I had to find it within me to make it over to the toilet. I pushed myself up with shaking arms the thumping in my heart sounded like the kicking of drums in my ears. As I started to crawl to the toilet for what felt like miles, my stomach couldn't wait any longer. I heaved onto the floor, hot fluid a sickly shade of pink. The sensation burnt my throat.  
I pushed my back up against the wall behind me to keep me upright . I looked upwards & tried to blink the spinning vision away, but it was no use. At least I could see. I wiped spit & vomit from my mouth on my sleeve. On Louis sleeve. Fuck, Louis. 

I could still feel the prints of his fingers on my hips. It wasn't aggressive, thinking back, not at all . It even seemed maybe he wanted me in the way I wanted him. I thought I could be different with him. How silly. I hadn't let anyone touch me in a way I even considered sexual in years now. It was some sort of mental block. Ever since - "Shut. Up." I spoke out loud to cut off my brain. It was not the time nor the place for self pity bullshit. I did not feel like crying anymore. The tears came anyway though, like they always do. 

My head in my hands I sobbed. My vision still swimming & my head feeling like it was split in two. 

Guilt consumed my being as I realized Louis did nothing wrong. I left him out there all alone & he had done nothing wrong. I did want him that way. Fuck I really did. But there was something wrong with me & I couldn't put that in the way of his happiness. I had to find him. To explain myself. I didn't want to lose him, the thought made my stomach tighten once more. Finally standing, my legs felt like jello. I slurped water from the bathroom sink. Looking at my reflection I looked like total shit, eyes swollen & bloodshot, sort of sleepy looking. I didn't know how late it was. my curls were matted & my cheeks flushed bright pink. I tied my hair up, at least, my sweat making it stick uncomfortably to the back of my neck. I studied Louis hoodie. It had mustard yellow lettering on it, spelling Packers Football across the front on top of the deep olive green background. It was quite cute. Big on me but not too big. I left my stomach contents there on the floor, there were more important things on my mind. I left the bathroom to find Louis. 

More sober now, on account of the alcohol I'd been drinking all night now stinking up the bathroom. I snuck past people dancing & just talking, throwing in "excuse me"'s & a "sorry" I didn't mean. I checked the living room where I'd left him, no luck. I scanned the kitchen I'd passed through once more & nothing. I went into the backyard to find Niall sitting on a lawn chair around a small bonfire, in what appeared to be a smoke circle. 

"Ni." I brushed his shoulder with my hand. He turned around, bringing the blunt away from his mouth & exhaling at my face, smiling when he realized who he was looking at . 

"Harry ! How's'r you" 

I forced a smile waving away the smoke. "Been better." Niall handed the blunt to me. I took it inhaling deeply & watching the embers of the cherry eat away at the wrap, turning it to ash. 

"Was wrong Hazza ?" Niall pouted at me. "Tell you later." I couldn't stay to chat at the moment. "Niall, have you seen louis around ?" I passed the blunt back to him after a few more puffs. "Uhh not since Stan kicked everyone out of his room. Why do you think we're out here ?" He laughed at his own words. I gave him a weak smile & stormed back inside without another word. I made my way quickly to stans doorway. The door was ajar slightly. Afraid of what I would find inside I stopped for a moment. Stan wasn't a stranger to me, I knew his tricks. He certainly wasn't above kicking people out of his room to fuck someone when he wanted. But I had to know. I sucked in sharply & pushed the door with my foot. 

In the dim light I could see Stan was half naked, shirt off straddling a man on his couch. Taking a closer look I realized exactly what I had dreaded. It was, in fact, Louis on his couch. I could see his strong hands snaking around stans waist not unlike he'd done to me hours, maybe even minutes, before. Louis was fully clothed, but clearly not stopping the boy sloppily grinding against him. 

But then again why should he. He was getting exactly what he wanted. That was all he wanted. I just stared. My whole body felt as if it had become heavier. Not being able to stop myself I lost my balance, my legs becoming jello again I gripped the door making the hinges squeak. All at once louis pulled away from stans face to look at the door, to look at me. I stiffened at his gaze & looked back at him, my eyes burning with rage. Stan lazily looked up to see what Louis was so intently staring at & seeing me he smirked. Even gave me a wink. I could've strangled him. My body hot with anger I ran off into the kitchen . Stumbling when my vision becoming blurry with tears again. "Harry." Louis voice. I didn't turn around. "Harry, wait" he had caught up to me, spinning my body around so I would finally face him. I boiled over with hatred. 

"Fuck you, Louis is that all you wanted ? Really ? A quick fuck ? That's why you were being so nice to me ? Well I'm sorry, your efforts were wasted. You could've just fucking asked. Been fucking upfront with me." 

I spat my words out like I couldn't stand the taste. "You think I'm a fucking slut ? Tried a little extra hard just to fuck with my head ? Well fuck you. No no no wait, better yet, let Stan fuck you." 

"Harry, I'm sorry I - " I cut him off.  
"Sorry for what. I don't know you, Louis. You don't owe me anything. " 

He looked stunned. Sort of doe eyed. "Harry just listen to me please, if you would just listen" he pleaded with me. 

"Leave me alone, now." I turned to walk away. He grabbed hold of my arm as I turned & the feeling of burning pain came back where he touched me & I hissed . " please, har - " I tore my arm away from him 

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE" 

I screamed. It was as if the room fell silent. All eyes in the room now on me I panicked. I looked to Louis again. He looked defeated, even pathetic, I thought he might cry. My eyes softened apologetically & I wanted to comfort him but images of stans naked body over the innocent looking man before me stopped any feelings of remorse I had. 

\- 

I stayed outside for the rest of the party. Not before taking a bottle of grey goose from the kitchen. It was full when I had hastily grabbed it, new & now more than half gone. My two eyes turned to four & I now couldn't even attempt to walk. I think I had talked some to Niall I don't remember, but he was by my side all night. I joined him out by the bonfire. Fuzzy images were patched together after my outburst. I didn't want to remember it or feel it. I didn't want to feel anything. I just wanted to be drunk. I laughed too hard at something niall said, that probably wasn't even a joke. 

Next I remember I was nudged awake, sunlight shyly peaking through a makeshift curtain. I squinted one eye open, to see Niall's gigantic face in front of mine. I rolled over, even that motion agitated the sickness in my stomach. 

"Just checking you're alive."

Niall said as if to explain himself. I grunted in response. "It's 6 PM Harold, think you can get up ? Get a cold shower, or something ?" Niall called me that when he was worried about me. "M'okay." I wanted more sleep. "How'd I get here." I asked niall who was now sitting at my feet playing video games. "Well you passed out at stans. Found you in the bathtub of all places. I took you home a bit after." the "home" niall referred to was his own house. I stayed with him frequently, usually for weeks at a time. "Already told Gemma so you don't have to worry." The clicking sound of his Xbox remote was going to drive me insane. 

"M'g'nna shower." I could barely sit up myself. After a while of blinking away sleep & dry heaving slightly, I stood. Stepping lightly to his bathroom. Niall called to me "leave the door unlocked. You know the rules." The tone in his voice told me he was serious. Which was a rare occurrence. I didn't look in the mirror. Just stripped myself of clothes I was sure I wasn't wearing that night & stepped into the shower. I was glad to be staying with Niall, when I got depressed it wasn't pretty. Literally. One time I didn't shower or brush my teeth for a week & a half until Gemma literally forced me to. It got so hard to take care of myself I just, didn't. niall was good at looking after me, though. He didn't seem to mind either. I didn't bother washing my hair or anything, just needed to rid of the layer of grime I could always feel on myself after a party. When I started to think too much I got out, my shower short lived. I brushed my teeth with a toothbrush marked " H " when I was finished I wrapped myself in a damp towel & made my way back into Niall's room. 

"Washed your clothes." Niall said not looking away from the game he was still playing. I dug through his drawer of pants to find my favorites of his sweats. They were worn & grey but cozy. I slipped them over my legs & looked to the freshly washed hoodie on the bed. It pained my heart to see I still had a literal piece of him. I couldn't part with it just yet. Pushing my head up through the hood I felt the soft interior like a gentle hug. I gulped the water Niall had left for me on a table by his huge bed & took three Tylenol. when I finished I sat next to him & Niall handed me his spare controller.


	4. We Should Try Something New.

"Ni, lets go smoke already."  
I was becoming impatient. I crossed my arms & looked at him. Niall didn't look at me though, he was cleaning his room, a bit disgusting from the two teenage boys living up here for a week. We barely went down to the rest of the house, just to eat, mostly. Dishes piled on the available desk spaces & sweaty laundry coated the carpet. 

"Hold your horses. I don't really feel like living in a sty anymore." 

I huffed, flopping down to lay on his freshly made bed. "It would go quicker if you would, I don't know, help me ?" Niall half teased. I laughed at him heartily. 

We made our way down to his backyard. The yard was mostly dirt. A few weeds sticking up & it was surrounded by a brick wall. There were a few chairs & a small glass table placed right in the center. 

"We should try something else tonight." I took a drag from my cigarette. Looking at it, My mind wandered with thoughts of how these little cancer sticks are slowly killing me from the inside out. 

"D'ya mean ?" Niall looked confused. Holding his own cigarette at the corner of his mouth . "Like meth ???"  
I laughed at him.  
"No stupid, like pills or something. Heard Xanax is fun."  
I took another drag. I had never done real drugs before. I smoked & drank on a regular basis, did shrooms more than once, but something inside me craved more. It had for a while now, but I could usually satisfy the feeling with a drink or two or a good smoke sesh. But ever since. Well, Louis it seemed like I could never get enough. Like there was an emptiness inside me I couldn't fill with the regular shit anymore 

"I can call my guy. Are you really serious ?" 

Niall looked concerned.  
"It would be fun ! We could watch a trippy show, put on those weird lights in your room. It would just be one time Ni" I practically begged. 

Niall looked convinced enough. "Okay, just one time." He smiled at me. I smiled back. I knew he would say yes, Niall was a bit of a junkie, not necessarily for just drugs, other stuff too. Anything worth doing for him would get his adrenaline up or make for an interesting story. 

\- 

I sat back in his plastic lawn chair, watching the sun expertly paint the sky with orange & pink hues. Niall never let me come with him to pick up from his dealer, I'd seen him before, real sketchy looking guy with tattoos all over his neck. So I waited. Rolled myself a pretty shitty joint, which got me blazed enough . I thought of Louis. 

I tried to push the thoughts of him that so often popped into my mind away, but it was useless. He invaded my every movement. I couldn't even breathe without thinking of him. I feel like we'd just broken up, but that didn't make sense. I'd barely known him at all. I didn't know his favorite color, anything about his parents, where he'd come from, not even how fucking old he was. I was so mad at him, that didn't make sense either. He had every right to fuck whoever he wanted so why did it matter so much to me. Why did he even feel bad ? Why chase after me if all he really wanted was a cheap fuck. I smacked myself in the head trying to force my brain not to think. When I felt my cheeks start to burn I lit another cigarette. 

Niall came back & I was laying on his bed. Perking up I waved at him exaggeratedly as I sat up 

"Did you get it ?" 

Niall just flung a small plastic bag at me, it had three rectangular white pills in it. 

"Didn't have any xans but he told me those were even better" 

"well what are they ?" I creased my brows, looking at the bag in the light of his desk lamp. 

"OxyContin, Eddie said the Xanax would just sack us out. " 

"why are there three ?" I looked worriedly at him. I really hoped Niall hadn't invited anyone else. 

"We're gonna half that one." 

"Isn't that a lot Ni ? We've never tried that stuff don't you think we should ease in ?" I was starting to doubt my decisions. 

"He said it was a low dosage. One & a half should be perfect for both of us !" 

Oxy is an opioid. Like rich peoples heroin, learned that in health class. So I was kinda about to do heroin. 

"I guess" 

\- 

I popped one pill & the half into my mouth as Niall popped his. I swallowed with ease chugging down a water bottle. We just sat there for a moment. I had no idea what to expect from the mystery drug 

"Sooooo, when's it supposed to kick in ?" 

"Dunno. 30 mins ?" 

"What's it feel like ?" 

"Dunno haz. You know I've never tried it either." 

I sighed & picked at the sleeves of my hoodie. Soaked in the awkward silence. 

"So, can we talk about Louis ?" 

I looked at him a bit dumbfounded. I still hadn't talked to him about the party, I suppose. 

"What'd'ya mean ?" I looked down again. The mention of his name lit fire within me. 

"Well, you guys seemed to really be hitting it off. Kinda joint at the hip for a minute there. But now you don't even wanna talk to me about him ? How bad did he fuck up ? " 

I pushed my bottom lip out a bit, trying to look busy with just the sleeve of my hoodie . "I don't know." I let my words hang in the air. 

"Harry. We talk about everything. All the time. Don't bullshit me, cmon you got way wasted at that party. Something must've happened " 

I breathed heavily through my nose. Niall knew me better than anyone, I couldn't avoid talking about Louis anymore. 

"I just, he's great. You know like really great. When I met him I just. I don't know I thought maybe he was special. I just got that feeling. He was so kind to me, you saw that, it was insane." 

The words seemed to barrel out of my mouth.  
"But more than that I had a feeling, like our connection was deep it felt like I maybe, I don't know, knew him in another lifetime." I finally looked up. Niall just looked back at me & nodded, listening attentively 

"I'm not crazy. I've never felt like that before like. Like the instant I met him I was like "it's him" or something I don't know."  
I could tell the drugs were kicking in slowly. I was getting a bit sleepy & floaty in my head. 

" but he asked me to dance, & it happened again." 

Niall sat up straighter. "Did he touch you ?" 

" no, no not really. He just had his hands on my hips. It wasn't bad or anything we were just dancing. I don't know if I was too drunk or what. " 

Niall was silent. Awaiting my every word, it seemed. 

"But I fucking found him with Stan, basically tongue fucking on his stupid couch."  
I crossed my arms tightly over my chest, looking away as I felt tears stinging my eyes. "All he wanted was a fuck. That's all it was to him." 

Niall spoke "well, you know how Stan is." As if to excuse his behavior. 

"Yea, I know. I know how Stan is." I sounded more annoyed than I meant to. 

"Louis was a bit of a dick, really. Leading you on like that. " 

"Guess. Thing is he didn't do anything wrong, technically. That's what bugs me the most, I think ." 

Niall grinned a bit at me. I could tell he wanted to tease me but a gave him a look to tell him "now is not the time." We sat in silence for a minute. 

"Yelled at him." I looked to Niall again. 

"You did ? What happened, what did you say ?" 

"Told him to fuck off. " I smirked. I saw Niall liked that. 

Niall stuck his palm out flat in front of me, laughing, I gave him the high five he was expecting. 

"That's fucking awesome." Niall barked out. 

"M'fuckin done with him though" Niall gave me a tilt of the head. 

"Really ?" 

"Yes ! He's after sex. I can't give that to him. Maybe ever." I slowed the last part to a soft mumble. "It's simple." 

"Dunno man. I think you might be onto something, like you two have some wacky spiritual connection or something. I'd give him a chance." He was throwing a ball shaped object into the air & catching it repeatedly. His action sort of mesmerizing. 

"Well what the fuck do you know." I was starting to get frustrated with him. Hard as he tried he had no idea how it felt, clearly. 

"You're still wearing his hoodie." He spoke in a matter of fact manner. "Haven't taken it off all week." 

"S'not." I tried to fool him. 

"Well who's is it, then ? It's not mines, it's not Stans. & I know you don't watch football, Harry " 

As if a wave had hit me, it seemed my anger was gone, I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel frustrated. I didn't feel pain. What I did feel was bliss. I felt bliss. For the first time since I was a child I felt completely euphoric, like it had melted away the despair that lurked so long in my soul.

my mouth gaped & I let out a breathy laugh. That vibration of my vocal cords giving me rousing pleasure shooting through my veins. 

"I feel fucking incredible." 

Niall just laughed & laughed. The feeling of sound in my ears making me shudder. I flexed my hands & began to touched the silky smooth comforter like it was my first time I'd ever been able to feel. I could grasp each fiber more vividly than the other. 

"Gimme your hands." I loved to feel myself talk, my tongue curling & bouncing over my teeth. Like every tiny cell in my body was happy, like I was new. Experiencing touch, sights & tastes all for the first time. 

Niall stuck his hands out to mine, I laughed again at the intense feeling of skin & warm heat from his body. I thought I could feel his blood pumping. 

Looking at his face every color was brighter. A sliver of cerulean blue around large black holes that had become of his pupils. The room behind him danced around & blurred. It was as if I could do nothing but laugh. 

After hours of laying down, looking at the ceiling just to watch it melt & drip onto us we were startled by a knock. Pale yellow light shone into the dark room, illuminated by a small disco ball of green blue & purple we'd put on to watch the colors mix & blend together like a masterpiece . Hands remaining pressed to my belly I flipped my head to see a figure, standing in the doorway. Niall was sitting opposite me in his small desk chair. I watched his face scrunch .  
"H - uh hi Louis " Niall stuttered 

Louis ? Oh. Louis. I couldn't stop the excitement flowing through my body for even a second, even for Louis . I sat up on my elbows, body stretched towards him. 

"Think I'm supposed to be mad at you" I giggled a little, sitting up more to look at his face . I traced little hearts into my clothed thigh with my fingertips. 

"Harry ? What's wrong with you. Niall what's wrong with him ?" Louis pointed a finger at me & faced Niall now. Niall just shrugged his arms, looking dopey. 

"Did you take something ?" 

I smiled wide at him "maybe, maybe not" 

"For fucks sakes." He sounded exasperated, putting his fingers to his eyes. 

I frowned "don't swear at me." He was ruining my high. "How did you even get in here anyway weirdo ?" Bubbly happiness was quickly being replaced by resentment. 

Ignoring my question Louis asked "what did you take ?" His voice plush now, syrupy sweet sticking to my ears. 

"Jus' some pills" I said in a nonchalant tone. I patted the bed lightly with my hand. "C'mere" Louis feet seemed to carry him, instead of the other way around. My body was in limbo, if there was anything left of my sober brain I would've started back up screaming at him. Shoving him out the door with all the force I could muster, but instead I was inviting him to sit next to me. 

"Why're you here ?" I sat with my legs criss crossed now, my eyes seemed to grow a mind of their own & wandered around his body. He was wearing a fitted salmon pink colored shirt with black joggers. Muddy white converse clad feet, to complete his outfit. 

"Came to see you." His eyes were dazzling , glass like & a bit bloodshot. I couldn't tell if he was high or had been crying, or both. 

"You been stalking me ?" 

Through his nose he laughed. "No, I've been worried about you, Harry " 

"Well don't. there's nothing to worry about." 

"Clearly." Sarcasm in the shadow of his tone. I had nothing to say to that. 

"Harry, can we go down to my car ? To talk ?" 

"Why." I spoke cautiously. 

"Just, I have a bit of explaining to do. I think." 

Niall shook his head. " you don't take Hazza anywhere. " 

"Ni, it's okay. We'll just be a minute." I snapped at him. I wanted to hear what Louis had to say. 

"Okay but if you're not up in an hour I'm coming down there." He sized Louis up. 

\- 

We walked down the rickety wood stairs to a dark colored car, looked like a Volkswagen . The light patter of rain fell on my face as I looked up to a spiral of blue grey clouds. The wetness felt good on my flaming cheeks. 

Louis opened the passenger door for me & I stepped in. I felt the interior of his car, it was clean, pretty even. I sank into the soft foam of the seat like it was made of quicksand. The faint stench of an ashtray wafted into my nose, I cracked the window to his car letting the minuscule droplets fly in rapidly. After what could've been days, Louis finally pulled open his door & huddled in. 

"You're not cold ?" 

Looking down to my chest I guess I had taken off his hoodie to replace it with a loose black t shirt. 

"No." 

I felt strangely comfortable with him. In the back of my mind I was screaming at myself to hit him or spit in his face or call him a rotten cunt. But I didn't. I just sat in Louis Tomlinson's car, hands folded neatly in my lap. 

"D'ya want ?" Something about him made me want to crawl into his arms & just let him hold me. It was as if he was a magnet, pulling me closer to him. I couldn't control myself around Louis. 

"Harry, I've been really worried about you. I'm sorry I know if you weren't " he paused like he was about to say something he'd probably regret. He acted like he was walking on eggshells talking to me. "I'm just I'm sorry. What happened at the party." 

The party. That fucking party. The mention of that night had me clenching my hands. Digging my dull fingernails into the soft flesh of my palm, hard like I wanted to draw blood. Strangely, though I couldn't feel a thing. 

"I was drunk, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I went way too far I just, I shouldn't have touched you like that. I wasn't thinking I got way ahead of myself. " 

In Silence that could've burst my eardrums, I just looked down. 

"I don't need your excuses." My words left my mouth dry. 

"I know Harry I - I know. there's just, I don't know what else to say. I feel guilty as hell. I didn't mean to upset you Harry, I thought you might be into me but that was no way to go about it. I wasn't in my right mind please, you have to know that." 

I felt as if I was bursting through my seams. I was flooded with feelings I didn't understand. I couldn't cope. 

"That's not why I'm pissed." 

Louis looked at me puzzled. 

With ease I brought myself onto his lap, positioning my bent knees around his strong thighs. I was certain he works out. 

"Louis, I want you to fuck me." 

I looked at him now. Our faces maybe inches apart. In the dim light inside his car his eyes went wide. That same doe look was back, he opened his mouth to speak. 

"Uh Harry, I don't think " 

I didn't let him finish, my brain was clouded with lust. I didn't think. I just connected my lips to his neck. He tasted salty, a bit like butterscotch candies. I really wouldn't be surprised if he was made of sweets. I was nipping & sucking at his skin pulled taut over the muscles of his neck when a hand pulled at the roots of my hair. I let out a whiny moan at the aggressive feeling it was, good. 

"Harry what the hell !" Louis was practically yelling in my face. Somehow it didn't matter to me. 

"I want you. Don't you want me ? I'm ready, so you can just fuck me now. " I couldn't stop myself, I didn't exactly know what I was saying. 

Louis seemed sad. I couldn't read him. 

"Isn't it what you wanted ? I'm trying to give you what you want, so just fucking take me." My body burned hot again. I started to feel dizzy. 

Louis cheeks became pinker now "Harry, you don't know what you're saying I - you can't just be trying to fuck me all fucking doped up !" He huffed at me, his breath smelled of cigarettes, too. " You don't know what the fuck you're saying. " 

he tried to pick me up to move my body off of his. I shoved his hands away. 

"So which is it, then ? Do you want me or not ? " I leaned away from him, still sitting on top of him. "Or do you just want Stan. " 

"Excuse me ?" Louis looked taken aback 

"You heard me." 

"Harry you don't know," 

"I don't know what I'm talking about ? What the fuck do you think I'm talking about ? You know I saw you with him, don't be fucking daft, Tomlinson " as I began to sober up, the rage was back. 

"Harry I was really fucking drunk, so were you " 

I scoffed at him. "You're a twat." 

"I'm a twat ?" 

"Yes, you are." 

"Styles. I'm not arguing with you now. I don't know what's going on but I came here to talk not fight. I was so fucking worried about you, no ones seen you for a week. Finally Stan told me you've been holed up here at Niall's & I find you fuckin drugged out." 

"Why do you care about me so much. I barely fucking even know you. Stay out of my business, do yourself a favor."  
I mumbled out. I was sitting back on his knees now. Leaning against his steering wheel. 

" Harry , look. I think you're - fuck - I like you. Okay ? I'd really like to get to know you. I mean that."  
Louis put a hesitant hand to the outside of my thigh. "But if you want me to just piss off, like forever, I'll respect that. " 

I raised my eyes to look at him. 

"But if that's not what you want, let's just talk." Louis smiled weakly at me. 

"M'not so good at that." I gave him a half smile as well. Loosening up a little. He liked me. 

"Well let's play like, a game. I'll ask you something then you ask me ?" He sounded unsure of his words. 

"Well like, what can I ask you ?" 

"Anything you want." 

"You start." I adjusted myself. Still sitting on him. I think he just gave up trying to get me to move back to my seat. 

\- 

"Why'd you run away from me." 

I sucked in, breathing all the oxygen that was left inside the car. "Well, I just don't like you that much." I teased. I think Louis could tell cause he laughed 

"Be serious. " 

"It's - it's hard to explain. It wasn't you, really." I was looking down at my fingers, chipping off my nail polish. "I, there's something wrong. With me. I uh," gulping down thoughts I stuttered. "I just don't like being touched. Sometimes. Like, like that." 

" Harry I'm sorry, I " 

Cutting him off I spoke quickly "Stop saying you're sorry. You couldn't have known." 

" & I know that, I know that now. I just." I sighed, long & heavy. Louis looked like a kicked puppy. 

"I also was about to throw up." I looked up at him now. His expression was serious. "So I didn't want to do that, y'know, on you" his lips folded his cheek into a small dimple. I grinned. He was cute, I couldn't help wanting to make him happy, with me or otherwise. 

"Well, gee thanks. were you okay ?" 

Nodding I said "Just a bit too much to drink, really." 

After another long slightly uncomfortable pause, he spoke. 

"'S your turn, love. "  
Love. He was big on nicknames. 

I thought for a minute. Picking the perfect question. 

"What's your favorite color ?" 

Louis gave me a funny smirk "Green." 

"What kinda green ?" 

Louis came much closer to my face, squinting, like he was looking for something. 

"Eh, y'know like a, a kinda deep kinda yellow-y blue green. Real pretty kind. " 

He was looking right into my eyes. I blushed, giggling nervously. I really just always did that with Louis. 

"It's a good color." I couldn't help smiling so much. 

"It really is." 

I just looked at him for a while. Taking in his beauty. His shoulders were broad & I thought I could see abs through his tight shirt. I reached out to tug on the fabric lightly, my mind absent. The still air was comfortable. 

"My turn. Wanna get outta here with me ?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading ! I really hope you enjoy ! Kudos or constructive criticism are appreciated lmk what you think ! It’s a story really near & dear to my heart I’m excited to be writing it ! Anyway I think that’s it ! Thank you lots !


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